He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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