Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
