hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
