dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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