Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
