Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
