Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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