Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
