i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
