I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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