I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
