I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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