My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
