im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
