so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
