Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
