theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
FUCK WHALES
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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