i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
How external is "for external use only"?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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