when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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