I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
