I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
