fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
