Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
