Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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