just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
