I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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