Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.

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(847): View more from Illinois

well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."

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(302): View more from Delaware

because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.

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(432): View more from Texas

There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?

(505): View more from New Mexico

yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.

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(740): View more from Ohio

it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.

(419): View more from Ohio

i've gotta research that and get back to you.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats

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