It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
