i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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