So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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