HIV tests are more positive than that guy
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
