oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
