If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
