You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
