New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
