I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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