I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
