he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
