I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
