I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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