4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
