M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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