you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
