brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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