You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
sarcasm needs its own font
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
