Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
