Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
