I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
