Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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