Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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