Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
