he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
