But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
