At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
ok first of all what the fuck
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
