I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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