I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
